Rouleur Classic

Weekly Wibble: Blessed are the Cheese Winners

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Photographs: Sweetspot

The route has been announced for this year’s Friends Life Tour of Britain, sparking the annual round of moaning from Mrs Trellis of North Wales that the race is not visiting her hometown of Llanberis for the eleventh year running.

Well, Mrs Trellis, you might want to look at that route again before taking to Twitter to vent your considerable spleen. The tour takes in Llanberis and any number of weird and wonderful places besides.

And so the hunt begins to find suitably local cheese for our daily combativity award, the feisty fromage du jour they all want to win.

Or most of them, anyway. Recipients comments range from “pretty cool” (Tom Scully, Raleigh) to “I don’t like cheese” (Jacob Rathe, Garmin-Sharp) to “What is this sheeeet?” (Ivan Basso, Liquigas-Cannondale).

Can’t win ‘em all.

Early contenders for our daily dairy delights as follows. 

Stage One: Beaumaris, Anglesey to Wrexham, 177km

Wrexham Wrangler. Strong and hard, with a sprint finish.

Stage Two: Clitheroe to Colne, 162km

Dribble Valley. A Lancashire hotch-potch. Tangy and vibrant, with a moist texture.

Stage Three: Cockermouth to Floors Castle, Kelso, 216km

Crumbly Cockermouth. Not as unpleasant as it sounds. Hopefully.

Stage Four: Edinburgh to Blyth, 218km

Blyth Spartan. Matured for 116 years, like the town’s football team, but with greater success. Green with white stripes.

Stage Five: Prudhoe to Hartside Fell, 171km

Hartside Hellfire. High as the Pass itself. Decidedly lactic.

Stage Six: Stoke-on-Trent to Nottingham, 189km

Bakewell Tart. Not actually a cheese.

Stage Seven: Fakenham to Ipswich, 225km

Fakenham Fuggler. A delicious (or abominable, depending on your tastebuds) fusion of fuggles hops and creamy East Anglian goodness. Beery cheese – what’s not to like?

Stage Eight: London stage presented by TfL, 93km

Piccadilly Ponger. More pungent than the gents toilets at the tube station. Handle with care.



6 – years in a row, until 2014, Stoke-on-Trent hosted the Tour of Britain.

57,000 – pounds paid to host the stage 6 start that Stoke newspaper The Sentinel decided should be its headline. How to get the public on side. Not.



“You don’t wanna stand there, mate.” Skimmed by the peloton at the Tour of Britain. 

Tour of Britain cheese-chaser Alex Dowsett reveals all to an unusually high-pitched Kenny van Vlaminck. Contains nuts. Not safe for work. Or anywhere, to be honest.

“Shut that bloody bouzouki up!” The cheese shop sketch, of course.

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